Secrets of the CB

There's been some who-ha about how my writing style here is notably different than what you'll find on my corporate blog (CB). This is no accident and I think it's time to share the recipe with you folks.

You see, everything on the CB is written for effect (it's called rhetoric and only learned people like myself have truly mastered it in modern times.)

I'll admit my writing process is a bit unorthodox (actually, my freshman English professor called it unfortunate). But let me shift gears here and show you how it works.

First, you dictate a straightforward essay. Let the words flow and don't worry about things like topic sentences for each paragraph (in fact, I like to save my topic sentence for the end to give things that extra little punch.)

Secondly, you read over your text and insert a lot parenthetical references. Don't worry if your sentences stretch on for one or two hundred words (just count on the sum total momentum of your brilliant ideas to wash your readers downstrean to understanding). Again, just let it flow.

Third, have your web admin insert some photos. Don't give him too much direction (his only job is this friggin CB, after all). Just say, "I want a jack-a-lope in there." Let the frigtard figure it out for himself.

So there you have it (the power of the CB). It takes a special breed to pull it off, and frankly, I'd be surprised to ever see another CEO even try to duplicate it.