Dr. Java

As you have probably read in the papers by now, I am retiring our corpoarte stock ticker SUNW and replacing it with JAVA. Not only is this a big change in the naming sense, it heralds a new paradign in the stock market itself. More about that later.

I wanted to do this name change back in April, but the board just laughed at me. Well, Scooter did anyway.

"No way," they said. "Deliver on that profitable fiscal year you promised, and then you can call the friggin stock whatever you want."

So I got my way. Everybody knows about Java and now everyone will know about our stock, too. But that's not the best part.

The game-changer of this move is that we're open sourcing the stock as well! That's right. Anyone will be able to use, distribute, and alter JAVA stock in way they choose.

With Open Source stock, slashdot hordes will rise up on Wall Street, pressuring other corporations to trade under the GPL. At the same time, the freetards will be infected with the capitalistic notion that Greed is Good.

And when Linux gets the blame for causing economic chaos, we'll be there, pinky finger to mouth, with millions, no billions of Solaris downloads! Bah wa ha ha ha!!!!