FakeJonathan Twitter Updates

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Freedonia Meets Scientology

My recent foray into live Twitter posting has been a revelation--Just like my company preaches, here on the Net I can be truly Free, Open, and engaged in the Participation Age without censorship.

Information wants to be free. So does my Real Story.

In that spirit, I feel liberated enough to tell you, my dear readers, what has perhaps been the biggest secret in the history of the Fortune 500...

I am a Scientologist.

Now, this might sound a bit crazy, but hang on a sec and let me explain myself. It all started back in school at Wesleyan University. My girlfriend at the time was really into the shit, and well, she was smoking hot so I kept an open mind, if you know what I mean.

Oddly enough, she liked me to read the L. Ron Hubbard stuff to her in bed. In fact, it made her really horny. (By the way, this will work on normal women if you read Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil to them.)

So I went along, and after a time, it all started to make sense to me. And after we went our separate ways, I dabbled with some Auditing and wound up as a regular church-goer.

And there you go. The Truth is out now and I promise to tell you more about my beliefs in future posts. It is the will of Scientology bigwig Emperor Klaaktu of Rigel VII.

So the next time you hear me talk about contrarian theories of Techno-Freebased Economics, perhaps you'll understand where I'm coming from just a little bit better.

1 comment:

Fake Scott said...

Kid, we'll talk about this tomorrow at the office... I now understand why our shares are going the way they are going... to Rigel...

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