FakeJonathan Twitter Updates

Thursday, August 16, 2007

Making Nice with Big Blue

Now that I've steered the company deep into Open Source waters, people are starting to notice that a kinder, gentler Sun has reared its head. We're no longer the sharp-toothed, wise-craking bunch of dot-com Sparc bigots that we used to be.

Sure, this transformation really began years ago when Microsoft gave us a couple Billion dollars to stop with the hostilities. Thus began a phased plan.

First thing we did was RIF Scooter's speech writer. I think he went to work for Karl Rove, though he's probably on the street again by now. Second, we gave all the Sunnies a big bonus and encouraged them to purge their aggressive tendencies by going on a retreat, cruise, trip to the Mustang Ranch, whatever. Better money was never spent.

It's this simple; if we want to be considered an Open Source company, we just have to be Mr. Nice Guy to everybody. I mean, look at Novell, they're promising not to sue anyone after the FrigTard SCO suit effectively gave them potential access to all kinds of license fees.

So today I'm shaking hands with my arch enemies at IBM. We'll get on TV and announce some software treaty or something that I haven't bothered to read yet. Then we'll sing Kum Ba Ya and break out a hookah maybe. Years of fierce teeth-nashing will be forgotten and all will be reconciled.

I feel better already. And if that dickhead Palmisano crosses me, I'll put a cap in his ass.

No comments:

Site Meter